THIS IS ME

Stephanie Hawthorne

The highs and lows of Newlyweds in a Recession

My dad served in the military, so I lived overseas in Germany until I was 12, and we moved to Colorado Springs shortly after that. When I was 19, I found out I had a brain tumor (pituitary adenoma) that needed to be removed, so I left college in Denver my freshman year and came back to the Springs in 1999.

At 22, I had most of my tumor removed. Most kids this age feel invincible, but because of my situation, I felt like I needed to make every moment matter. This experience was incredibly impactful and helped build the courage for all the challenges I would face ahead.

My life’s passions really began to take shape. I started working for US Home, a homebuilder company, and I realized the value of a well-built home and the amazing feeling of home ownership when I purchased my first home. By the time I was 24, I’d purchased my third home—this time with my newlywed husband Rob in 2004.

Little did we know the market was about to tank and things were about to get very serious for us! In 2006, my husband lost his job and the real estate market was starting the decline. Rob struggled for three years to find a job, working side jobs here and there. It was a true struggle to make ends meet.

In February 2008, I began working at a title company called Empire Title. Two weeks after I started working, Rob and I found out we were expecting our first child. Rob was still unemployed and working side jobs, and my income as a sales rep was $18,000. I was on a small salary and commission, so I had to hustle and build my database—all while being pregnant!

In April of 2009, we were about 60 days away from not being able to make our mortgage payment. My husband took me to the Ultimate Asian Buffet for lunch (couldn’t afford dinner!) with our son, who was six months old. We had not been out to eat in ages, as we were barely making it by. After we made our first plate of food, Rob told me he got a job. I started bawling like a baby in the middle of the lunch rush. I couldn’t believe we were going to able to breathe again.

Altogether, we lost $150,000 during the recession. Still, I wouldn’t ever change the life lessons we both learned during this time. We grew together as people, as husband and wife, and as parents. Since then, we’ve been able to build up our loss from the market change.

The highs and lows of Real Estate

I stayed at Empire Title for six years. I was killing it as a sales rep, because I loved hustling, but I eventually I left the business that I built up from Empire to join another friend’s homebuilder business. It seemed like the opportunity of a lifetime, but I was there for only 60 days when he FIRED me.

While that failure was hard, it also propelled me into a new chapter. I met one of my clients from the title company, Bobbi Price, for lunch. She is basically the Godmother of Real Estate. When we met for lunch, she told me that I had to get licensed as a real estate agent and join her team. I was feeling self pity, and she told me to get over it and move on. (And F$*! him, because I would succeed no matter what I do.)

Best advice I have ever received! I was an agent with the Bobbi Price Team for four years. It was exhilarating to kick ass and take names working on a team that was producing over $30 million in sales. You see, Bobbi is in her mid-70s and has been an agent for over 40 years. She works in order to leave a legacy for her family.

I respect Bobbi more than she will ever know, but after four years, I knew it was time for me to go. I made the decision at the end of 2017 that I was ready to create my own legacy. Leaving the Bobbi Price Team the hardest decision I have ever made in my career. Around February of 2018, I was just Stephanie Hawthorne, Real Estate Agent. Back at Ground Zero.

Now? I’m running a $10MIL dollar real estate business. I have my own office and my own business expenses (GULP). Recreating myself and my systems has been a lot of self-discovery and failures. A lot of late nights, I’d sit in my truck thinking, “WHAT THE HELL DID I DO? WHY DID I DO THIS AGAIN?”

I still cannot answer that question, but I embrace the challenge, the change, and keep moving forward.

The highs and lows of being a Mom

I have two kids: a six-year-old daughter and a ten-year old son. My kids have the life of having a full-time real estate agent mom. I had to make the decision about the kids having after school care and/or a nanny, and I got a lot of judgment for the decisions I made.

Do I have guilt for making the choice to work full time? Absolutely. Everyday. But when I have time with my children, I try to make it count. I tell my kids I love them almost 100 times a day. And I do.

And if I’m honest, I’ve felt more failure as a mother than I have at anything else. Rob and I have tried to expand our family of two children, but we’ve have many losses during pregnancy. My last miscarriage was in 2014. We went to get the baby measured and find out the sex of the baby, but the ultrasound showed no heartbeat. My husband and I cried on our knees at the office, and our doctor was there with us.

I didn’t know how to cope with what was happening. My friends and family saw me in my darkest hour. A few months after our loss and me being a wreck, my husband decided to get a vasectomy. He knew I would have kept trying for more children. I lost all sense of reason and didn’t want to stop growing my family. I didn’t know he scheduled the appointment until a week before. We fought about it, but he knew that I couldn’t handle another loss. Trying to continue to add to our family was burdening the one I had. While the decision still stings, I know that Rob saved me and our family.

About six months after this low point, my mom said something that I needed to hear. She told me to take care of myself. If I am not my best, I cannot be the best for my family. She didn’t want me to make the same mistakes she made. So in 2014, I started to make a conscious effort to put me first.

Women often lose their identities as we get older, and I was no exception. First, with marriage. Then, with children. We take care of everyone and often forget ourselves. Women can all agree on that.

But as these lessons have shown, I’m a lot stronger than I knew I was capable of being. I’m a wife, mother, and business owner. I am not perfect, but I have weathered all storms and come out the other side a tougher, wiser, and realer woman.

My commitment with Agent Mom Life is to capture the real in real estate as a business owner, wife, and mom. I am not perfect, but I am on a journey. One that I hope you will take with me as you read this blog and follow along!